Show notes

Hello everyone, and welcome to Adventures in Academia, the podcast for older-than-average university students. I'm your host, Kristie Bradfield.

Today, I'm going to be sharing a little bit about my story and how I became a 49-year-old soon-to-be university graduate.  

If you're considering applying to university or if you are currently studying and feeling unsure about continuing, my story might resonate with you.

So, like a lot of older students, my path to university wasn't linear. There are so many zigs and zags in my story—so many stops and starts. 

Whenever anyone asked me what I wanted to be as a child, I'd answer a journalist. I don't really know why, but I can remember giving that answer as far back as Grade 4, so when I was about 8 or 9 years old. I stuck to that dream through primary school and high school. I wrote for a high school paper. I enjoyed it well enough. I thought my future was pretty much certain. I'd go to university and then get a cadetship and work as a print journalist. So when I sat my tertiary entrance exam in 1991 and didn't get the grades I needed to study Journalism, I was crushed. I thought that moment would define my whole life. I thought I would be a failure. Forever.

With the dream of journalism pretty much dead and buried, I had to find a job. From 1991 to 2006, I had a lot of jobs. I worked in Delis. I worked as a sign writer. I worked as a website developer and a freelance writer. At various points, I wanted to be a police officer and a novelist. I often started things, and I didn't finish them. Things sounded great, to begin with, but I found that a lot of things in life required constant and consistent effort, and I don't think I was prepared to put that much effort into anything, really. I used to think that doing all those different things reflected badly on me. I thought that by trying all those different things, I lacked discipline and resilience, but what I didn't realise at the time was that doing all of those different things was helping me to build discipline and resilience. They all helped me to hone my skills. I would find out later in life how helpful that period of time was.

In 2006, I had a full-circle moment. 

I got accepted into a Journalism program - the same program that I wanted to do back in 1991 as a high school leaver. I was 32, and I was so excited. 

But it only took one lecture for me to realise that journalism, or perhaps my idea of what a journalist was, had changed in the 15 years I'd been doing other things and that I had changed too. But I stuck it out for a semester. 

I needed to fill an elective, so I did Intro to Psychology, and I loved it. I was so engaged with the content because it interested me in a way that Journalism didn't. The only problem was that I was at the very beginning of a decade that was incredibly dark. I developed a severe social phobia with elements of agoraphobia bought on by panic attacks, and going on campus and doing in-person classes was just too much for me at the time. I did quit my journalism degree after one semester and filled my life with freelance writing from home because home was one of the only places that I felt safe.

My life changed a lot over those ten years, and my world became really small as a result. When you're stuck in those dark times, it's really hard to believe that things will get better. Every day was a struggle for me, and I saw all the people around me who were moving on with their lives, achieving things at work, getting married and having kids, and I wondered if I would ever be normal again.

In 2013 I started therapy and began the very slow process of getting mentally well. I had to put myself back together, piece by piece, and in doing so, I started to reconnect with who I was as a person. I can't really convey to you how much therapy changed my life. I learned so much about myself, and the nine years I spent in therapy were the most important work I've ever done. By starting therapy, I was able to slowly peel away some of the tough protective layers that I'd developed, and I started rediscovering the things I was passionate about. I discovered a school where I could do all my Psychology units online. So I applied and was accepted. I was 40. I decided to do a double major Psychology and Criminology, and I haven't looked back. I've been slowly chipping away at the degree, and here I am now, only months away from finishing. And the great news is that I go on campus now, and I'm a part of the university.

But I won't lie. Some parts of the degree scared me. I was petrified of doing my first research methods unit because I was terrified of statistics. I had been so bad at maths in high school, and this fear was really strong. But it turns out that I have a knack for stats, and research methods units were the ones where I got the highest grades. After I got my first high distinction, I was determined to get more, and I have. I've had a high distinction average for the last four years. Knowing that I was doing well and feeling like I was in control of what I was learning and where I was going was enough to keep me pushing forward. Don't get me wrong, I had a couple of really, really low moments too, and I'll talk about these in an upcoming episode, but I also had momentum, and this momentum helped me to continue. I also think that I started having a sense of belonging. And through that, I started to interact more with the university, becoming a peer mentor and now a tutor.

The one thing they don't tell you in high school, or at least they didn't tell me back when I was in school, is that you get more of an idea of who you are as a person the older you get. 

I didn't know who I was at 17. I didn't know who I was at 19 or 27, or 35. 

As the years went by, I realised that my experiences were shaping me and helping me to learn more about myself and to know myself more. My experiences helped me to nurture the parts of myself that would help me complete a degree. 

And there is something that happens when you realise that you're on the right path. For me, it's a physical thing. It's visceral. I feel excited. I feel like I need to learn more. I feel like I want to share that feeling with other people. When I'm on the right path, I'm motivated to learn in my own time, for my own curiosity. That happened when I started studying Psychology, and when I added Criminology into the mix, it was like placing the final puzzle piece. Now, here I am at 49, and I finally feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be. And I'm excited for what comes next.

THE RESEARCH

So let's bring in some research - as we're taught to do as university students. We back everything up with research.

In those early years, particularly when I started my Journalism degree and did my first Psychology unit, I didn't know why I wanted to go to university. I think what motivation I had was extrinsic, and that's possibly why it didn't stick. I think I was going to university, not for myself, but for other people. For what it might mean to other people. For what it might say to other people about me. So extrinsic motivation, as all the Psychology students out there will know, is a motivation that's external to the self or provides external rewards. Intrinsic motivation is when you do something because it interests you or it's enjoyable to you. So, doing a degree because you want a better-paying job or career advancement is extrinsic motivation, and that's a perfectly fine motivation. But extrinsic motivation wasn't enough for me to continue, and it isn't enough for many people.

In 2007 Bye and colleagues found that non-traditional or older students reported higher levels of intrinsic motivation for learning. What I found really interesting about this research was the relationship between age, intrinsic motivation and positive affect in non-traditional students or mature students. Positive affect, in this case, refers to feelings of happiness, excitement and pride, and according to the researchers, the study indicates that older students may need more enjoyment in their educational experience to maintain their interest in continuing their studies. 

In 2013, Shillingford and Karlin conducted a study revealing that the academic pursuits of mature students were primarily driven by intrinsic factors, such as the desire to demonstrate competence, self-determination, and the enjoyment of the college experience. External rewards had minimal impact on their motivation.

Both of these studies highlight the importance of internal motivation and positive emotional experiences for older students. This research suggests that as students age, they are more likely to view higher education as a valuable pursuit in and of itself rather than just a means to an end. The participants in both of these studies were motivated to learn either by their innate curiosity or by a desire to take on a challenge. And while there will always be external reasons for starting, those internal factors seem to drive older students to continue. 

When I posed a question about motivation to a Facebook group for older Psychology students, the answers I received also supported this research. Most of the answers spoke about a desire to better understand human behaviour in order to better support themselves, their family and society, which is intrinsic motivation. Others spoke of a long-held desire to go to university that wasn't supported by their parents when they were younger. Some mentioned being motivated initially by financial reasons, but they continued because of a fascination with the content and that spurred them to continue. The one thing that these Facebook users had in common was they all had wide and varied experiences in their past, they had careers in other industries, families, and carer responsibilities, but they all spoke of a love of learning. I guess the takeaway message is to know your why; because knowing this will help you want to continue when things are tough.

I wanted to finish off by giving you my three-by-threes. Three things I wish I knew before starting and three things I discovered along the way.

1. I wish I knew life didn't need to be perfect before I got started. Life is messy. Things are never perfect, so if you've been thinking of going back to school or applying for the first time, don't wait for the 'right' time because that may never come.
2. I wish I knew that I would not have all the answers - and that was ok. As an older student, I put a lot of pressure on myself to know 'everything'. But no one knows everything. Just be open to learning.
3. I wish I knew that I would fail and it would hurt, but I would continue. Failure would ultimately make me a stronger and more well-rounded student.

And the three things I discovered along the way.

1. You are never too old. I used to worry that I'd be 49 when I finished my Bachelor's degree and 50 when I finished my Honours, and so on. But I was going to be 49 anyway, and the awesome thing is that I'm 49, and I'm going to have a degree. 
2. University is what you make it. I wanted to feel connected to my Uni, so I made it a priority to connect. I became a peer mentor and a tutor, and I got involved in things when I could. That has motivated me in my studies too because I feel like I belong. Don't be too worried about the fact that you may be the oldest person in the class. No one is really thinking about that. Just try and connect if that's a goal of yours. 
3. And finally, I discovered that I can do hard things. And I know that if uni study is something that you really want to do, that you can do hard things too. 

Before I wrap up this episode, I wanted to share a really quick book review with you. This one is for all the fans of forensic psychology and psychiatry. It's called The Devil You Know by Dr Gwen Adshead and Eileen Horne, and I wish you could see all the page flags that I have in this book. So much wisdom! Dr Adshead is a forensic psychiatrist in the UK with extensive experience working with people who commit serious crimes. Through a blend of case studies and psychological analysis, she delves into the minds of perpetrators, unravelling their motivations and the inner struggles that drive them. Dr Adshead skillfully navigates the reader through the shadows of criminality. If you have a passion for this field, this book is an absolute must-read! One of my favourite quotes from the book comes right at the end, where Dr. Adshead leaves us with a thought-provoking reflection about the concept of evil. She writes, "I hope that as this book ends, the reader will surface, glad of the fresh air and freedom, with a changed perspective on what we call 'evil'. It is really a term, much like beauty, which says more about the viewer than the object."

Thank you so much for listening to this, the first episode of Adventures in Academia. The research I've discussed in today's episode is linked in the show notes, which you can find at adventuresinacademia.com

I would love to hear from you if you're an older-than-average student. You can send a voice memo about anything to do with university study to memos@adventuresinacademia.com. And while you're at it, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast. 

In the next episode of Adventures in Academia, I'll talk about technology and all the handy tech tools that have made a huge difference in my studies. If you have any tech questions, please send me an email or voice memo, and I'll be sure to answer them in the podcast.  

Until then, happy studying!

Research links

Bye, D., Pushkar, D., & Conway, M. (2007). Motivation, interest, and positive affect in traditional and non-traditional undergraduate students. Adult Education Quarterly, 57(2), 141–158. https://doi.org/10.1177/0741713606294235

Shillingford, S., & Karlin, N. J. (2013). The role of intrinsic motivation in the academic pursuits of non-traditional students. New Horizons in Adult Education and Human Resource Development, 25(3), 91–102. https://doi.org/10.1002/nha3.20033

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